Back in February my sister and I led a church retreat for a bunch of sixth grade girls. We studied much over the parts of the Bible that focused on "Go" and when God calls us to follow him. The weekend flew by fast and I felt confident that I could teach all about obedience, however I didn't let myself feel challenged on how prevalent that was in my life. On the trip home back to college God questioned me on how far and how long I would be willing to go, and in only expecting to answer with my words I answered that I would go anywhere and for any amount of time. And in God's gentle and subtle way, he said to prove it. I googled "mission trips" and since then God has been molding me into someone who is ready to go just like what I was teaching the sixth grade girls about back in February.
Speaking of gentle and subtle, those are a few comforts that have been very absent for the past few months. Unknown to me before the summer, I was not quite ready for the trip. I thought that my willingness was enough and that my heart must already be ready. As it turns out, I was really wrong.
Lessons I've Had to Learn:
1. I am REALLY insufficient
2. God never asked for 9 months
3. I cannot prepare to handle the trip
Pretty encouraging correct?!! Well, at first I was pretty upset in the midst of learning these. But before you read those lessons and worry about my lack of positvity I will tell you why these are the most important teachings.
1. I always relied on God but if i needed something I wouldn't have to pray about it, chances are my parents could take care of me. Well that was long before I needed $12000 for the trip, in which my parents could not do. I dealt with more doubt than faith and often more tears than prayer. Now when I look back and wonder where all of that money came from, I have no idea how it all showed up. God had to prove to me first that I am not nor is man sufficient enough for me.
2. He just never asked for 9 months. He wants me so much today in Franklin, TN as he does in 4 months when I am in the Philippines and also in 10 years, wherever that may be.
3. I can't. No matter how much I spend trying to lower my expectations and hoping for the best, I can't handle this trip without Jesus. I will constantly be holding on to him so that I can handle each day and be sensitive to his spirit.
If you'd like to pray for me, pray that I can be calm in the days leading up to my departure and that I can be constantly humbled by how big God is and trust him in all the future lessons to come.
